Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

4 am massacre

This event probably would never make it up to the headlines ..neither would it fulfill the cheap criteria of being featured as breaking news on any one of the news channel . It will go unheard and unnoticed ..but my blogspot wont let that happen..Ill try to give full justice to that dreadful even which happened right in front of my eyes…Yes I saw it happen..

When the world was sleeping they were awake.
When the world was dormant ..their activities were at peak.
When the whole world was snoring ..they were quietly amuggling things.
When the whole world was still ..Afraid of no one they were carelessly roving here and there.
Darkness did not terrorize them.It did not limit their vision.It did not make them feel sleepy..
In a nut shell Darkness did not matter them and as usual everything went on very smoothly…

But with a flash of light that day everything got devastated.Everybody at sight was killed..Absolutely nobody was spared.Seniors,Adults,Kids..even the newborns weren’t spared.In a few minutes their innocent existing world became extinct.Ruthlessly and Recklessly many were bombarded with harmful gases like imiprophrin and cypermathrin.Many were crushed under great crushers and many were left with major injuries.Finally All the dead and injured bodies were collected and thrown in the Dustbin.

(Now don’t be surprised..YES its dustbin) . The innocentswhom I am talking about are COCKROACHES ,the killer is me myself and the place is my Kitchen!!!

One fine dawn @ 4 am I woke up for a glass of water..I switched on the light to see my kitchen being ruled by these miniscule creatures Thirst could be quenched later but opportunity to kill sooo many at a time wouldn’t have come later.SO at once I picked up HIT (Btw my blog is not promoting it !!) and sprayed as n wherever possible to kill hundreds(Mind you hundreds should’nt make you think that we rommies stay filthy ..but these unavoidable creatures you see !!).Finally ,when the HIT made me feel ..a cockroach myself . I left it and singled up a broom.And crash …smash..whack I went killing many at once .

After a few minutes game when I saw no movement around. I was damn elated.I felt like a great achiever .I felt as If I was some great conquerer .I was so happy that..if at that point of time .. I had a flag in my hand for sure I would ve hoisted it …:) :)

After the thumping victory I turned to go back..but just to have a glance of the battlefield I looked around ..and there tring.. ring… ring… ring.. ring I saw one more !!! staring at me as if to say !! ”When your nuclear weapons cannot can you kill us !! …I wished as if I could strangle their throats ..pull out their antennae …pluck out the 5 legs and tow it with its 6th leg to the dustbin..

but I knew that after all this more would pop up ..My corner of the mind shouted that “you’ve lost” but like the fox for whom the grapes turned sour .. I thought . Why hould I get restless ..just bcoz I couldn’t kill any body …Why …that’s not my job ..its God ‘s .

So remembering the thirst again I drank water and went straight to the bed sparing each one on my way back with a principle in mind “LIVE AND LET LIVE. !!!!” .


Oh Fissssh ! Nooo ! Our bus was in the middle of traffic jam !! Just 10 mins more and I would’ve seen myself sipping coffee at home but hell.. this traffic ! Past 35 mins, parking myself on the middle seat of the last row of the 8 pm bus I had been cursing …..

•The civil engineer who constructed the road which made our bus bounce like a ball

•My neighbors on either sides who were competing b/w themselves to squeeze me like a lemon.

•The heat in the air which made me feel like a potato in the cooker

•The radio in the bus which played the song “Panchi banu Udti phiru mast gagan mein..”

( Errrrrr I felt like hammering it till the springs in it sound ..DWAIING DWAIING :) )

•The Indian population who managed to own so many vehicles which caused the traffic jam. (I bet Mr.Ratan would’ve never thought of the NANO if he would’ve been in my place ).

•Lastly …I was cursing myself for the reason that I was cursing others .

Before things got worse and I started cursing GOD for his creativity…I warned myself “ Hey you girlie-grudger STOP pesting !! :mrgreen: HOLD IT!! CHILLL !! n look around ..there’s so much of amusement around “ !! and guys you wont believe , in the next 20 minutes I witnessed and thought of the most amusing, entertaining and funny people on earth …..’The people in the bus …’

THE SLEEPERS : They were maximum amongst the lot. Horns,Radio,Smoke ,heat, light , force against their own inertia and even the open defects in defect lists din’t seem to bother their inactivity .They had completely surrenendered themselves to their fatigue…some with mouth wide open ..some with their heads towards the sky ..some towards the ground..some with their heads on the window panes and some almost on their neighbour’s shoulders ..

THE PRETENDERS : They were the ones who were trying hard to be THE SLEEPERS..but probably the thoughts of ‘ null pointers in their code /java script error/ which vegetable to cook ‘ made them wake up from time to time…

THE DOZERS : They were the funniest amongst the lot…At one instant they were conscious and at the next instant they were un . At one instant they were straight n still and the other instant they were swinging .The process is amazing ….It goes like this …….First they stare and stare at ..god-knows-what

Then open and close their eyelashaes go..

Up and down their eyeballs go..

Front and back jerks their neck (everytime the intensity increasing) and then …after some time the world becomes dark for them and finally the show starts.. In a very rhythmic motion (in sync wid the bus)..

Swinnnggg goes their upper body goes to right and to the left.

Swinnnggg it goes up and down Until..

•Their chin hits their chest or

•until their head hits the window or the bar in front or back-rest of the seat or

•until they suddenly feel their neighbor or

•until the bus runs over a speed breaker or over a trench .

•or until their atlas (cervical vertibrae) gives up supporting the weight of their head or the angle which they are trying to attain :)

And then taaa ddaaa …suddenly they wake up with eyes wide open … Right and left they look to ensure if nobody has seen them dozing..then being contended that nobody has (when the whole world has ) they return to the normal state and then process continues …They are damn funny

But I don’t understand one thing Why don’t the dozers sleeeep ??? What holds them from sleeping..and why do they consider sleeping as crime???

THE PRACTITIONERS : Some of these are ardent followers of baba Ramdev ..for.. they practice his principles in the bus by continuously rubbing nails of one hand over the other making the neighbor go frenzy by that sound.-Then some of them are tabla/drum practioners ..with earphones stuffed in the ears…
zap zap zap their fingers dance over the knees or on the bag-in-lap or on the seat….and Tap tap tap.. their toes tap trying to synch the beat of god-knows-which song. -Some of them do their singing pactice ..they hum and hum a tune which makes the neighbor wonder ..”What the heck …which song is that ”. -There are some practitioners who practice “SNAKE”,”TENNIS”,”ROAD RASH” games on their mobiles.

THE READERS : There are some readers who burry their heads in the book and look up only when the bus stops .
-There are some readers who have the book in their hands …but are aware of each and every overtaking vehicle on the way.

-There are some readers who read less and struggle with the newspaper pages and the wind more. - There are some readers who read and re-read the smses sent to them .

SPEAKERS AND LISTENERS :Speakers are the ones who incessantly speak and speak over the phones or with their neighbours….and listeners are the ones who are either the neighbours of THE SPEAKERS or who listen over the phone and say “OK..OK”/”hmm..hmm”/”Accha accha”. Then other types could be‘THE OUTLOOKERS’, ‘THE PONDERES : who think of god-knows-what’, ’THE EDGIES : who sit at the edge of their seats and behave as if every stop is their stop and they are going to get down at every stop ..they just cannot sit on their seats’ , THE UNDESCRIPTIVE : These are the ones with insipid and bland look on their faces …the look ..which just cannot be descibed.’
And finallly the most important type of person in the bus ….THE DRIVER (I don’t need to tell @ him )

As I was enjoying ..seeing..and thinking about these people suddenly the bus stopped !! My destination had arrived !! I couldn’t believe that 20 mins had passed !! and moreover I couldn’t believe that I was geting down with a smile…

WHAT i LEARNT FROM THE INCIDENT : Just when I thought that world should end …just when I was cribbing about all the possible things at sight …I happend to look on the other side ….and there I was….laughing and smiling …I could have kept on cribbing but I did not ..

Every situation has two sides ..You cannot keep on looking at one …you need to look at the other side as well !! And then ..its YOU who need to choose which side you would like to stick to

In a nutshell: LIFE IS ALL ABOUT LOOKING ON BOTH SIDES AND CHOOSING THE RIGHT ONE …. soooo..evryone choose the right side (correct i mean ) and be happy always ..even in traffic jams


There they come again ..I am smacked yet again by these weird thoughts !!
I don’t know from where do I attract them….and not only do they dwell in but they also multiply encumbering other thoughts which is not at all normal.
Seeing their flourishing rate I often wonder what do they get in here to breed on :)
Anyway, before these weird thoughts clog all my other thoughts and make me weird I better squiggle them on this post and make some room for normal thoughts !!!
Zillions of apologies for spreading these weird thoughts through my blog.
Well,this time the weird thought is ..MIRRORS !Had a haircut recently ..Sitting on the hot seat I had nothing to gaze at except ..
1. Cosmetic Bottles and tubes (Which don’t lure me )
2. My Face (Which I am bored of already )
3. Pieces of hair (they make me compare the time they took to be of that length and the time the barber took to recklessly detach them from their roots…making me feel sad so I dont look at them either !! )
Soooo I had nothing to look at except the MIRROR and there a weird thought struck ..WHAT IF DIFFERENT KIND OF MIRRORS HAD TO SAY SOMETHING …. Here they go ..

FAMILY MIRRORS : “OH no !! not you again ! I am bored seeing the same ol faces.. since ages ! Come on I want a change !!!! ”

THE SIDE VIEW MIRRORS OF A CAR: “For god sake …..Can anybody tell me the formula to calculate the actual distance of these vehicles !!! Everytime I see vehicle coming closer it makes me jump out of my skin …when the reality is…those vehicles are miles apart !! ”

THE REAR VIEW MIRROR : “Can I ever see the lady of the family…coz Ive never”

MIRRORS IN THE LIFT :”These humans !! when they enter the lift in groups ..none of them dares to look at me ..and even if they do … they just give me a quick fleeting peek. BUT BUT BUT !!! When they are alone must see their confidence !!! they look nowhere except me” .


BASE MIRRORS IN SHOE SHOP : “Damn it …Can you ever show me your face !!! Feet can’t be the only distinguishing factor OK..How will I know whoz who ?? “

MIRROR IN LADIES LOO : “Hey you guys !! they have no offence when we stare at them whenever wherever !!!! Now just stop burning !! ”

MIRRORS IN GENTS LOO: “We know that its been said that ..only ladies fuss about their looks …BUT we know what the reality is …so we don’t believe the statement . ”

AISHWARYA’s MIRROR : “ I know about that pimple which is beneath those layers of foundation ” .

MIRROR WITHIN YOU : ” Firstly ..there are a very select few who are aware of our presence ! and even if they are ..they never carry what we have shown them ! Its really unfair on our part !! you all accept and carry what the above mirrors show you ..then how can you just suppress and overlook what we have shown you.You are never your true self which we have seen !!!!
All the above mirrors will show …when you look at them but we are with you forever …its just that ignore us !!!
When will you listen to us !! Stop acting for the sake of world !!. Be what you are !!! Show your true self.
Do us some justice you poor humans !!!! We know its Hard !!! but it’s a challenge “

GULP !!! HUSH !!! that it !!! I made some room for other thoughts now !BUT BUT be ready for more !!!